Pathological Lying
Ed Geraty LCSW-C
INSITEintegrative.com
Someone who lies a lot may be called a “pathological liar.”
Dishonesty isn’t a good habit, but it doesn’t always fit the definition of
pathological lying.
Pathological liars are frequently untruthful for no good
reason. They harm themselves with their behavior, but keep doing it despite any
consequences.
What Is Pathological Lying?
Lying is a common behavior in humans. When someone tells a
lie, there's often a clear reason they do so. Lying may be used as a tool to
achieve a goal.
But pathological lying is often done without any reason
and regardless of consequences. These lies are extensive and elaborate, and
the urge to tell them is compulsive. Pathological liars often make up stories,
even if that causes them harm. They may lose jobs and ruin relationships
because of their lying.
It isn’t clear whether pathological liars understand that
what they say isn’t true. Some people believe the things they say, even when
those things are clearly false. Other pathological liars will admit that
they've been lying only when their lies are proved false.
Pathological lying usually starts when a person is in their
teens. They often continue the pattern for years.
This behavior can be part of a personality disorder such as
antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic. Other conditions, such as borderline
personality disorder, may also lead to frequent lies, but these aren't
considered pathological. Also, some people simply lie pathologically but have
no other conditions.
Psychiatrists have recognized pathological lying for
hundreds of years. It’s also called “pseudologia fantastica” or “mythomania.”
It isn’t listed as an official diagnosis in the psychiatric guidebook called the
DSM-V. But it's a real and troubling condition.
Regardless of the reason for lying, it can be upsetting to
be lied to. If someone lies to you a lot, you can learn to spot their lies. You
can also support them if they decide to get treatment.
Characteristics of Pathological Lying
Experts look for four main behaviors when trying to figure
out if someone is a pathological liar:
Excessive lying. Pathological liars lie more than others.
They make up stories that sound real enough that people believe them. They then
add more lies to back up the original lies. The lies they tell can be
outlandish and easily disproved. For example, they might falsely claim to have
received an award or say that still-living family members died
Lying without good reason. Many people tell small lies to
avoid unpleasant consequences, like saying they were late because of traffic
instead of admitting that they overslept. But pathological liars don’t have a
clear motive. They tell stories that don’t benefit them and might actually hurt
them when the truth comes out.
Long-term problem. Pathological lying usually happens for
years. It often begins when in the teens and continues indefinitely, into all
areas of life. Their dishonesty might be the thing people remember most about
them.
The lying is not a symptom of other mental illness. A
pathological liar might have other mental conditions such as depression or
anxiety. But that isn’t the cause of their lying. Pathological lying is a
condition, not a symptom of something else.
Treatment for Pathological Lying
Treating this behavior is complicated. No medication will
fix it. The best option is psychotherapy, but even that can pose challenges.
That's because pathological liars may lie to their therapist instead of
addressing their lying behavior.
Treatment will depend on what they need and what they
respond to during therapy sessions. Finding a qualified, experienced therapist
for the long term is key to managing this condition.
Types of Lies
Everyone lies. Maybe it's to avoid hurting someone’s
feelings or to escape uncomfortable situations. These are generally known as
“white lies,” because they're intended to avoid harm and they're about trivial
matters. Many white lies are only partially false or exaggerate the truth.
Sometimes, people lie to avoid getting in trouble or to
protect themselves from a threat. These lies are generally more complete
fabrications. They tend to be about serious or self-serving matters. This type
of lie is known as a “gray lie,” since it’s less likely to be socially
acceptable than a white lie.
Finally, some people lie for malicious reasons. These lies
often carry serious consequences for other people and may lead to situations
that are unfair or unjust. Any malicious lie is generally considered a “real
lie,” which is socially unacceptable.
People who lie pathologically usually tell gray or real
lies.
Signs Someone is Lying
Many people have “tells”
when they lie that signal when they aren’t telling the truth. But
there's no one-size-fits-all way to tell when someone is lying. Instead, pay
attention to that person specifically. If someone you know lies to you a lot,
look for these signs.
Contradictory stories. When someone isn't telling the truth,
they may have a hard time keeping details of their story straight. Someone who
lies frequently will eventually lose track of previous lies and start to
contradict them. If you notice this, they may be lying.
Unverifiable details. They may add details to make their
lies seem more realistic. Studies show that pathological liars tend to include
details that can't be verified.
Overly dramatic or long stories. Lies are more likely to be
dramatic and long. If someone often has anecdotes about overly dramatic or
intense situations, they may be lying.
Living With Someone Who Often Lies
Living with someone who lies frequently can be stressful and
uncomfortable. If you want to maintain a relationship with them, there are a
few things you can do:
Stay calm. Many people who lie a lot will react poorly if
you show anger. If you believe you are being lied to, remain calm.
Don’t engage with lies. If you know something isn’t true,
there’s no reason to act like it is. Supporting another person's lies will only
reinforce their behavior. Instead, let them know that you know they're lying
and stop the conversation.
Suggest medical treatment. If the person who's lying seems
distressed by their lies, you might suggest they get professional help. Therapy
can help them confront the root of their lying and may lead to changed
behavior.
